Imaginary Relationships

A marketer was telling me how people used her product. I actually do use her product (not that she asked), and I sure don’t use it the way she said “they” do.

She told a helluva story. It was much more colorful and important than the way I use it.

I kinda wished I had a need as important as the one she portrayed.

Of course after that I wasn’t going to tell her how I used it. Lord, we are no longer worthy.

As I was driving home, I was puzzling why they were failing with such a better offer? I mean, I liked the product going in and I still like the product.

Then I thought, “What if all her users were like me...not using her product to her full potential?”

The things you convince yourself by listening to imaginary users can have a long-lasting effect, influence decisions way down the line, especially when that imaginary user becomes strewth!

I remember the first time I heard about focus groups. I thought, “Why would I pay people who won’t use my product to tell me how to change the product so they still won’t use it?” Never figured it out.

Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like reality.

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Fantasy And Reality

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth – Sherlock Holmes. Holmes never wavered from his rule, no matter how bizarre the outcome appeared. No speculation; no projecting an easier path; no daydreaming or fantasy about what would have or could have been.

I recall as a kid, pounding the pocket into a new ball glove (they were made flat back then) and daydreaming that I would be playing like Mickey Mantle, Jackie Robinson, or Ted Williams. Reality set in with the very first play on the field, new glove on my hand – it would take more practice (much, much more) to get there - there's no shortcut for pounding in the pocket.

Sometimes a leader, manager, or collaborator fixates on a vision or desired outcome instead of addressing an issue head on.

Do you know of an incidence where a problem was ignored while the trivial and mundane were given priority? Or the 'let's wait and see' procedure was invoked? How did it turn out – did the problem self-correct or fester, getting worse?

Individuals rarely follow the Ostrich Model of head-in-the-sand, knowingly. However, they can be seduced by self-talk. This can be very persuasive, sound logical – even innovative – and offer a more desirable (and less painful) fantasy alternative to what's facing them right now.

Ever dread making a phone call or meeting – finding many ways to put it off? Then, the result of the call or meeting is nowhere near the disaster you had anticipated – in reality positive results happen most of the time.

I have found over and over that nothing is more effective than a direct approach. And yet, we still seek to take an indirect path or delay taking any action.

This is human nature – BUT – it is not a positive leadership trait. As with the boy and a new glove, or an adult facing a complex problem, it's not too difficult to slip into a fantasy to avoid reality.

To return to reality, I find it helpful to say the thoughts and plans out loud – to a trusted advisor. Not only will this help to better focus the ideas, it also churns up new ideas as well from both people's viewpoints. The outcome is more in tune with reality, since it is quite difficult to enroll your external self and your advisor in a fantasy. Perhaps that's why people say a good conversation is 80% listening!

As we wrestle with the gap between fantasy and reality, John Adams' words are a useful guide:

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.

John Adams,'Argument in Defense of the Soldiers in the Boston Massacre Trials,'

How do you see fantasy and reality?

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Making The Point

I was trying to get through M Street at New Hampshire and a bicyclist ran through a red light, running over several pedestrians.

He was a young yup going home from his policy job, and he started yelling at the pedestrians, the drivers, the air.

He was also stopping two roads with nothing but a bicycle and an attitude...at rush hour.

People started walking around him, shaking their heads. He figured if he yelled louder more would understand him, like his mommy. He was enjoying his moment.

There was a minute of silence as he inhaled and the man next to him said gently, “I ride a lot, and you’re giving us all a bad name.”

The traffic jam resolved in seconds. We’re all in this together despite what you’re told.

Create Your Own Hell

I have a friend who has spent the last ten years putting together a substantial project. He got everything assembled and then ran into our new government, specifically a crew on ROAD status (Retired On Active Duty). Two years to complete a 90 day process...so far.

For everyone except government, time is money, so when my friend ran short, he had to bring in partners. It hurt, but it had to be done.

From the start, his new partners made sure to tell him he was the junior interest, and obviously not too swift since he had to work with them. Not pleasant, but he was focused on completion.

Last week his ugly partners learned he is also on a project several orders of magnitude larger, working with someone they really wanted to meet. Unfortunately, they were already well known, so it was a non-starter.

Some time ago I wrote about the Masada Game Theory, treating each transaction as if there would never be another, screw, bilk, and gouge your way to any small, temporary advantage.

What if we played as if the best was yet to come?